Now, you're probably wondering what battle I'm talking about. Well I'm glad you asked, now let me tell you all about it.
Ever since the age the age of twelve, I have been addicted to porn. There, I said it . It's out in the open now. And I know that every guy who reads this will at this point say something like "We've all been there, every guy has dealt with something similar in their life." Surprisingly, that statement isn't all that comforting to me. It never has been. Nonetheless, I have fought long and hard against it and for the record, I lost a lot of those battles.
Then the World Race came along. I went into this with the naive belief that the World Race would "fix" me. That it would automatically force me into a holier, more purified lifestyle. Guess what, it didn't. I know from my own personal experience that you can find ways to get online and get onto porn sites from any country in the world. Even on this trip, you can find ways to be alone for a little while. I know, I've done it. And I knew that it was killing my spirit. I knew that it was keeping me from going as deep with the Father as I wanted to. And yet, that didn't help.
Then something happened. Something snapped inside of me. Any guy who has fought this will be able to tell you of the moment where they snapped and said "Enough!" Well I hit that point in Vietnam. Something inside me broke, I snapped. I said "Enough."
So, I did the only thing I could think of. I went to my team leader Brandon, and I told him everything. It wasn't easy, but I knew something had to happen. So after the initial bewilderment he was feeling dissipated. We started talking about it and going deep into all the why's and how's of what was going on. We prayed together and I went back to my room feeling like I was one step down the right path.
But this battle wasn't over yet.
That night I fought harder than I ever have before. Every time the enemy would throw a fresh attack at me, I'd throw a prayer at him. That is the night I put my armour on and fought with every ounce of strength the Father could give me. I found freedom that night. Chains were broken, and God stepped in! Well, the next day I felt at peace. It almost felt like a part of me was gone. Not only gone, but the hole it left filled with more of Him than I've ever had. I haven't been hit with the temptation to go back once yet. That was two weeks ago. I know the enemy is lurking waiting for another chance to attack. But I have the armor of God. And Jesus wins!
So there you have it. It's not the Race that's fixing me. It's God.
This is the one blog that I didn't ever think I'd be writing. It's scary. It's always scary letting people into the deepest darkest parts of your life. But I'll tell you why I did write it.
There is hope!
There is grace!
There is forgiveness!
There is freedom!
It's found in Christ!
It's found when you run to the Father's arms.
There is hope.
He's already won.
He's given you His armor.
Ok, this is fantastic! Seriously, Kayla, my sqaud leader, wrote and performed a rap song for me. It's really just a by-product of boredom when you get down to it. But it's just one of those things that happens sometimes.
What?
You've never had a small town girl from Central Illinois try to be gangster and rap for you?
So here's a video to give you a little glimpse of what we've been investing in with our time in Vietnam. We've been building relationships with the people in this coffee shop and talking with them. It's a great month!
I’m in Cambodia for what is, believe it or not, month 5 of my race. Dang, that’s nuts. Anyways, this month me and my team, Refreshe’, are working with an organization called Teen Challenge at their teen boy facility. They work to transform the lives of boys who are addicted to drugs and get them off of the streets. We’re roughly an hour and a half southwest of the city of Phnom Penh in a little village that I don’t know the name of. We’re spending the month getting to know the boys here and teaching English and Bible classes. Along with some village ministries and the inevitable hospital visit to do some prayer and intercession.
There are a large number of people in Cambodia who do witchcraft and become witch doctors. It brings a spirit of darkness across the whole country. There was a woman in the hospital whose husband was a witch doctor and it brought sickness down on her and she was being afflicted by demons. We prayed for her and cast those suckers out. All of her pain disappeared and she decided to give her life to Christ. It was such a powerful moment.
It’s about 100 degrees or more every day along with ridiculous humidity. In other words, we sweat non-stop. But this is amazing and we’re having a great time getting to know all of these boys. We also by some random twist of fate ran into a YWAM outreach team. We’ve started worshipping with them and getting to know them. It’s been so refreshing to talk to new people and get to lift up our voices together in worship. God knows what we needed and has provided so abundantly. We as a team are becoming more and more joy-filled all the time. Growing and learning together. There’s no place I’d rather be.
This is the pond that we get our water from to: wash our clothes and shower.
This is our incredibly small, extremely cramped room. Complete with indoor tents that act as our mosquito nets, packs all over the place, and barely enough room to walk.
And of course one of the totally gangster boys who lives here.
I have had some serious writers block this past month or so. Every time I go to write a blog, I sit and stare blankly at my screen for a while. I can’t put into words what God is working in me. But I’ll try.
For the last few weeks I have been exhausted. Spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally drained. Most days I would go through the motions and do the bare minimum to get through another day of ministry. This in turn has translated into me becoming very dispirited and depressed. The abundant life that God has for us was so far away from me. I’m not even sure how God pulled me up out of that. But it helps that I keep finding deeper levels of worship, and having life spoken into who I am. There is so much freedom and healing in daily falling onto your knees and worshipping Him. When you find your secret place and go there not because you need help or need something from God. But when you go to that place simply to be with your Papa. To simply bask in his presence and worship who He is while forgetting about yourself and focusing entirely on Him.
And to think that’s just one of the things God has taught me recently. Some other things that are actually pretty hard to learn is, get this, having grace for other people’s mistakes. Realizing that everybody is broken, and everyone is on this journey with God. And then deciding to help them through and speak life rather than doing what’s easy and speaking death. God’s been rocking me with so much stuff, it’s crazy. As for ministry, it’s so much better and joy-filled when you go into it overflowing with what God is doing. That’s where all ministry should come from, the overflow of your heart into those around you. And man is overflow ever so sweet. It makes the colors around you brighter, the faces around you beautiful, and the ordinary everyday things of life into an awe-inspiring symphony of God’s goodness, grace and majesty.
These are a few small snippets of what’s been happening in my heart. It’s where I’m at. Sometimes it gets messy, and sometimes it gets hard. But God always shows up. And the hard times are always worth it.
Why did I come on the Race? Good question. I'd like to say I came so I could bring Kingdom and grow in God. But if I'm honest with you,I'll tell you that I came on this trip for mostly selfish reasons. I wanted to see the world, have people applaud what I was doing, and I wanted to feel like I was making a difference.
When I started the race, it was all about me.
The first three months were really all about me. It was all about what I was doing, what I was bringing to the people, and how great I was doing. Psalm 23:3 says "He leads me on path's of righteousness, for His name's sake." I read that last week again and immediately God told me that it wasn't about me. It's not for me, the people I meet, or the people at home. He leads me to where I go for his name's sake and no one else's. I have recgonized that I came on the race for alot of the wrong reasons. But God is transforming me and He's not done with me yet. So from now on,
I am on the race for God's glory and name's sake alone.
It's a journey and I'm learning more all the time. Comments and e-mails are so appreciated and I thank you all of you for being an encouragement to me through this journey. Love you all.
It's a time of transition right now for me on the race in a few different ways. First of all I'm currently transitioning from Central America to Asia, and believe it or not they're alot different. I became really comfortable with Central America in the short time I was there. And since right now I'm sitting in an airport in South Korea waiting for my flight to Thailand. It's hitting home real hard that it's alot different here. And once again I'm going to be in a new culture feeling uncomfortable and not sure what to do with myself.
The other transition is the fact that my team, Beautiful Feet, is no longer a team. That's huge. I just spent three months building up my relationships with them and becoming thier family. And then comes the curveball, and we split. I love all of them and i can't imagine spending those three months with anyone else.
So that brings me to my next transition, I have a new team! We are the team known as Refreshe'. Our name represents how when we draw near to the well of Christ, we are refreshed by the living water that comes from him and Him alone. I have spent the last few days getting to know all of them a little better and I'm so excited about where god is going to take us and what He will do in us. So let me introduce them to you.
Brandon Boyd Brandon is my new leader and I'm so pumped I'm on his team. He's willing to go to the hard places for people and ask those tough questions that need to be asked. I cant wait to learn from him and grow with him.
Jordan Dale Jordan became a really close friend at training camp, and I'm so glad to finally get to journey with him. It's so easy for me to open and transparent with him that I know I'll grow alot with him. I love this guy.
Brenda Basham Brenda is such a sweet, caring girl. She brings so many fresh perspectives to every conversation that it's impossible to have a boring convo with her.
Channele Givargis Channele (we call her Coco) is so awesome, you guys no idea. We've already established a secret handshake, and had a ton of awesome laughs. She knows how to make me at ease and trust with what I'm feeling, and that's pretty awesome.
Jordan Fath Jordan makes it so easy to be myself around her. She can be a little shy and reserved but once you get to know her you can't help but talk all day.
Liz Hipp And last but not least, I got stuck with Liz again. But seriously I'm so pumped that I get to stay with her. She has become one of my main ministries since being on the race. By that I mean I lead her through Bible studies and discuss all those issues that she is confused about. I absolutely love her and I can only hope that the feeling is mutual.
So, that's just some of the crazy things that I've been going through lately. I'd encourage all of you to check out all my new teammates blogs to get just a glimpse of the people that I'm going to be spending every day with now. The links to all of them are on the sidebar of my blog ( <---- look there).Thank you again to all those who support me and are praying for me. I love all of you. God Bless.
Ok!!! I have my GOOD friend & sister in Christ facing a FAST APPROACHING deadline!!
Let me Re-Phrase that! THEY ARE PAST THE DEADLINE, AND AT 3pm TODAY A DECISION WILL BE MADE ABOUT IF SHE IS GOING TO CONTINUE WITH US!
PLEASE HELP IN ANYWAY YOU CAN!
Courtney
is a strong warrior for God´s Kingdom!
She radiates God´s love, and is much needed on our squad. We are currently in the middle of an intense transition period! Changing Teams, Changing Continents... However, we do not believe that losing my sister is a part of that transition period.
Please fight to keep them here, so that we can continue to fight for the Kingdom as a powerful squad!
Her Blog is….. courtneyburks.theworldrace.org
To donate go to this link, enter the name of who you want to donate to, & the amount!!!
Credit Card donations are appreciated due to the accelerated rate of arriving in their accounts!
Also if you plan on donating, please email our support coach Melina at
Hey everyone, this is a blog that was written by my teammate Liz. I love it and I need you guys to read it. I mean really read it.
Hey y'all!!!
So, most of you may know this already, but some probably don't! We have a support deadline coming up on JANUARY 4th! Crazy! I have reached my deadline thanks to all of your wonderful and greatly appreciated support!!!
However!!! My sisters in Christ, Courtney Burks & Nikki S., have not yet reached their deadline! Selfish as this is, I cannot let them leave me! If they do not reach their deadline of $10,500, they will be forced to leave the race early! I cannot sit idly by and let this happen!
I'm sure all of you are feeling the after effects of Christmas... whether thats in your wallet, or in my usual case, around the waist! haha kidding!... But seriously... this is the time of year when I always decide I am turning my life around! This is gonna be the year that I will accomplish the goals I set, and make that difference I have been meaning to make. Just haven't had time to get around to it!
Sound Familiar?
I frequently stay on track for about 3 weeks before I derail HARD! However, this year I am realizing what is truly important in life. It's not about the 5 extra pounds around my waist. It's not about working so hard I get that promotion. It's not about making the team. (All great goals however!)
It's about developing a stronger relationship with your Heavenly Father.
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Yeah, I know... slapped me in the face as well
So, how can you make a difference this New Year, while developing a stronger relationship with God, AND fighting the crowd at the gym Monday morning?
Easy now, I am not asking you to jump up and add another extracurricular activity to your already hectic schedule. Actually, complete opposite! The best thing you can do, is set aside 10 minutes a day for your Daddy! He will just love it, I promise!
And if you are sitting there like Liz.... I can and want to do more than that! Give me the Challenge already!
OK OK, Calm Down..... Reeady????
K GO!
In honor of the New Year 2012
I CHALLENGE ANYONE WILLING AND ABLE TO DONATE $12 TO
This is a very simple and easy way to help bring the Kingdom of God to earth....
Whoa... talk about making a difference!
Oofta!
Thank you all again for all the prayer and support you have given me throughout this whole process! I appreciate everything so much! There are not words for the wonders I am experiencing here, or for how much God is growing me. Courtney and Nikki are vital to our squad. They both bring so much light and love to the world. They are exactly where God wants them to be, doing exactly what He has asked them to do. I have no doubt that He will come through like He always does and provide them with the money needed to continue on His path.
I pray that if you feel moved to support these two lovely women, that you follow your heart! Whether that is simply to follow their blogs and pray for them, or to accept this challenge and donate $12 dollars to their cause!
I love you all, God Bless!
Miss you with all my heart!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!
May all your resolutions come true! I pray for strength, resiliance, & patience for the lady that takes your machine at the gym ;)!!
Hey everyone, here's a video my team and I made to show you a little bit about what we've been doing here in Nicaragua for the last two weeks. We've been busy, and it's been fantastic. Watch and enjoy.
